My previous draft was a much more scathing write-up on my personal thoughts of the NBA (bah humbug!), but it’s Christmas, and I really have no bitterness to the bland sport that features the largest collection of prima donnas and opposite-of-tough athletes in North America today.
Well, I sorta take that back. I am a little bitter that during the 2002 NBA Finals, I got into a Ritz-Carlton elevator with every button for the 30-something floor hotel pressed by New Jersey Nets forward Richard Jefferson. I was on five, so it wasn’t worth my time to wait for another lift. During that trip, I also overheard Kenyon Martin teaching his young son the word “asshole,” but I honestly can’t say I’m offended or disgusted with his questionable parenting skills. (In some Shakespearian twist, that will surely bite me in the ass one day.) I DID get to spend about 15 minutes in the hot tub staring at Joumana Kidd’s scorching body and that was the best thing that ever happened in NBA history. I credit years of lifeguarding on the beach with my ability to not care that she knew I was gawking at her.
Anyhoo, in honor of my favorite Christmas tradition – not watching the NBA on Christmas – I thought I’d pay homage to the game that returns on Christmas Day. (By the way, great negotiating Derek Fisher and company, on losing half a season for nothing and having to start work on Christmas! Nothing says open your hearts to Jesus like Celtics/Knicks.)
The above photo features the first of two batches of Trader Joe’s white cheddar macaroni and cheese on wax paper, my reference material (the NBA logo, duh), and a lot of pepper flanking either side of the table.
I then added all those packets of black pepper and a lot of cayenne pepper to come with this:
Nailing the accuracy of the letters “NBA” was obviously the hardest part of all. The “N” came out fine, but my fat sausage fingers couldn’t sprinkle the black pepper to save my life over the “B” and “A.” Here’s to hoping your vision and/or monitor is slightly blurry, in which case, this is a PERFECT replica!
NBA FOOGOS NUTRITION INFORMATION
(The following information reflects two packets of TJ’s mac & cheese, but lacks info for the assorted pepperdust. Sorry, earthlings.)
Saturated Fat: 5g
Total Carbohydrate: 78g
Dietary Fiber: 4g
Protein: 18g —–> WOW!
And that’s what I ate when it was all said and done.
I’ve got say, for as little as I like the NBA, I think it’s the coolest that their logo is of an actual former player (Jerry West) who is still alive to say, “Oh, President Obama, Wayne Gretzky, LeBron, Brad Pitt, Miss America, Queen Elizabeth and Ghandi, screw all of you. I am a LOGO!” (I’m not sure whether to include this in my Portraits or Brands galleries.)
How much money you think West gets for his silhouette used on this logo? The answer is zero dollars Canadian.
Whether you’re not watching the NBA (because it stinks), not watching the NHL (because it’s Christmas and the league isn’t comprised of Ebeneezers), not watching baseball (because its December) or watching football (because its Sunday), I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas. And if you’re not of that ilk, well, Happy (middle of) Hanukkah! Hope everyone gets some prime gifts. I’ve got my fingers crossed for the industrial sized bags of M&Ms, Fruity Pebbles and gummi bears. Think of all the Foogos I could make with that!